


Destiny and Property Destruction

by SassySnowperson (DramaticEntrance)



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: But instead of becoming a magic girl, Crack, Gen, Humor, Mecha, Mecha Pilots, Property Destruction, Start with Sailor Moon, she becomes a mecha pilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-08 03:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20299006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticEntrance/pseuds/SassySnowperson
Summary: A strange cat greets Usagi, and reveals her strange destiny...To become the pilot of a giant Mecha.





	Destiny and Property Destruction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Welsper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welsper/gifts).

> Welsper, I have no idea if this is what you actually wanted from Sailor Moon and Mecha Pilots, but this is what jumped into my head and demanded writing.

Usagi woke up out of blurry sleep. She had been dreaming of...cakes. Amazing, beautiful cakes all stuffed with berries and topped with a lemon drizzle and a—

A sharp pain across her nose made her jerk awake. Her eyes flew open to find, standing in her open window, a cat.

Oh! She knew that cat. "The cat with the bald spot!" she exclaimed, pointing at the cat with one hand, and rubbing her nose with the other. 

"How rude," the cat responded. 

Usagi fell off her bed with a yelp and an undignified, startled thump. She gripped the edge of the bed and slowly pulled herself upright, barely peeking out over the top of the mattress.

The cat was straining up, peering at Usagi's fallen form. "It's not a bald spot. And my name is Luna. But! Usagi-chan! I have been looking for you." 

"You can talk?" Usagi blurted out. That seemed like the thing that needed to be handled first.

"I can." Luna hopped down onto her bed. "In fact, I must thank you for removing the band-aid over my crescent. It's my cybermodulated uplink. With it blocked, I couldn't really speak and—" 

Oh. She was still dreaming. Usagi sighed. The dream where she had cakes was better than this one. Maybe...if she went back to sleep...she could dream about cakes again! This could work. 

"Goodnight!" Usagi announced, then laid her head down on the bed, determined to get to sleep. 

"This isn't a dream!" the dream-cat protested. "Here, I'll prove it." There was a shining, metal sound, and then something thumped onto the bed in front of Usagi. "A gift for you!" 

Usagi blinked open her eyes. It looked like a small...brooch? Makeup compact? Either way, it was beautiful, and she grabbed for it, deciding that maybe she wasn't dreaming after all. "For me? You're sure?" 

"Yes," Luna said. "I have been looking for the right person to give this to. It's you…" 

The strange cat kept talking, but Usagi stopped listening, picking up the pretty brooch and playing with it. "It's really pretty. Oh, why is that bit glowing?" 

Luna put her paw on top of the brooch, and tugged at it until Usagi looked at her. "It's glowing because it's genetically locked to the chosen MechaSailor. And that's you, Usagi." 

Usagi blinked. "M...Mecha…? This sounds complicated." 

"Trust me, Usagi. Just push the button and repeat after me. Moon! Prism!" 

Well, what did she have to lose? Usagi pushed the button. "Moon...Prism?" 

Luna gave an encouraging nod. "Destroyer! Activate!" 

"Destroyer…activate!" Usagi chanted after her, getting into the spirit of things and throwing her hands in the air. 

There was a distant rumble, like thunder far over the ocean. It got louder, though, and louder, until Usagi slowly lowered her hands and looked at Luna. "What...is that?" 

In response, Luna turned and put her two front paws on the window. Her tail twitched in excitement, the happy snap back and forth of enthusiastic kitty stalking. Usagi followed her over, hands going to cover her ears as the roaring got louder.

Luna was fixed on a light in the sky. It wasn't more than a speck, but as Usagi watched, it got bigger, and bigger. "It's heading for us!" Usagi said in dismay, trying to get her hands to cover her ears and her eyes at the same time. 

She didn't quite succeed, and through the gaps in her fingers she watched as the light roared toward her, until with a house-shaking _CRASH_ it landed in her backyard, throwing up dirt and Usagi's mother's small flower garden. 

In the sudden quiet after the cacophony stopped, Usagi slowly dropped her hands and stared at the sight in front of her. "That's…it's…"

It was a robot of some kind, vaguely shaped like a woman, but massive. Usagi's second-story window was just about level with its belly. It gleamed in blue, red, and white, large metal panels suggesting a blue skirt, a red bow and boots. 

The sailor suit look was clearly not designed to look be demure or nonthreatening, though. It was sleek and sharp, the robot's face a blank menace. A silver sword sat on its hip, humming with energy. 

"Why is that in my backyard?" Usagi exclaimed, looking down at the clearly-not-a-brooch in her hand, and back to the robot. 

"It's yours," Luna said matter-of-factly. "You are the chosen pilot of the Moon Prism Destroyer, and the leader of the MechaSailor Guardians." 

Usagi meeped. "I don't even know how to drive." 

"Don't worry about that," Luna said. "It's very intuitive, and it's designed to respond to you. Call it over." 

Usagi waved her hand. "I don't know how to do that. Just be like, oh, stick your hand over here—" 

A sedan-sized hand made of gleaming white metal burst through her wall in a shower of drywall. Usagi screamed, flinching away from it, but all the hand did was turn palm-up and fall to her floor with a splintering crash that meant Usagi didn't have a bed anymore. 

"Very good!" Luna said approvingly.

Usagi wailed, "My mom is going to _kill me_. I can't be a mecha pilot, I've failed math three times! I'm a—" 

The evil-mecha-summoning-not-a-brooch lit up again. It squawked, and a voice emerged. "Help! Anyone! My mom, she's—" 

Usagi gasped. "Naru! She's my best friend! She sounds so scared!" 

"She's in trouble. Now's your chance to save her! Step into the MechaSailor, and fulfill your destiny." 

"I…" Usagi looked from the brooch, to the impossible robot, and back to the brooch, where Naru sounded so distressed. "I'll do it! I'll save Naru-chan!" 

"Yes!" Luna hopped onto the outstretched MechaSailor's hand. "Come with me! And with the power of the Moon Kingdom's finest technology, we shall," Luna cleared her throat, her voice dropping, something sly coming over her face, "kick Queen Beryl's ass." 

Usagi grinned, getting excited despite herself. "Do I get to use the sword?" she asked, stepping gingerly onto the mech's hand and shivering as, in response to her will, the hand started moving towards the door that now sat open in the MechaSailor's chest. 

"Usagi. You are the Moon MechaSailor Guardian, about to fight the forces of evil and fulfill your destiny. _Of course_ you get to use the sword."

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to go so terribly. Usagi can do enough damage as a normal teenager, can you imagine giving her a mech? *Delighted cackling*
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this one, goofy crack that it is. In many ways Sailor Moon is my first fandom, and it was so much fun going back. 
> 
> Some worldbuilding details that mostly I created so I could justify it: The MechaSailors have been chilling in the ocean, in an underground base, waiting for the right reincarnated pilots. 
> 
> That underground base is where Usagi and her family will live for a little while because she punched a giant hole in their house. 
> 
> Prior to revealing herself to Usagi, Luna ensured that the Tsukino family's home insurance covered destruction by giant mech. Either that or the underground base has a bank account that's big enough to cover home reconstruction. 
> 
> Yes this means that Sailor V has been cavorting around Tokyo in a Mech this whole time.


End file.
